zeitgeistzest FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold - Estuans interius

from Finland

  • Activity

    • personal BS

      1 day ago

      zeitgeistzest - Estuans interius

      I just went on a little block fest on social media and phone numbers... ex would've owed me 260€ still, but for him to pay it back would take like 11 months.... so I'm letting it slide so I can be done with this BS. finally got to block and remove all his contact info. >___>

      I was planning to see him, tell him face to face that he don't have to pay it, that I never want to see his face again or hear his voice or hear about him or his name. 

      But what use could've that been? It's been very obvious, long before our breakup too, that he didn't and especially now doesn't want me in his life. At all. In any way. He said we could be friends, but does he ever contact me about anything? No... It's been on my shoulders to do that, and to fret over whether he can pay the debt or not. (Long story short, something was bought in part payment, for him but in my name, and after breaking up with me he agreed to keep paying it but I'm hecking done.)

      So to go see him would've just hurt ME. And besides, he would've just found excuses not to see me anyway. So eh.

      I was tempted to let him know about the blocking and stuff... But what use could've that been either? He doesn't care. 

      That's what I keep repeating to myself whenever my mind has the rudeness to remind me of him. He doesn't care. He doesn't care. He hasn't in ages. Remember that, Laura. He doesn't care. 

      I did type him a message. 3 words. You can guess what those are. Right after I blocked his number, and removed it. I'm bad at remembering numbers, and as far as I can recall, I haven't written it down anywhere.

      After that, I spent about 40 minutes crying. It was both a relief and the most horrible thing I've done in a while. Relief, because I can finally put this shit behind me and move forward. 

      What sucks is that he now lives in our old hometown again, where my family is as well. I've told mom I can't visit them in a while, especially around the holidays. 

      Though I'm sad and miserable right now, I also feel ... calmer. Determined. Slightly lighter. The break up was for the best, for both of us. I have to keep reminding myself of that as well, and a part of me knows it's true. That I've finally taken the step to remove him from my life... is for the best as well.

      Slowly, I can move forward. 

      And I know THIS is not the best way to deal with this, not the healthiest in the slightest... but when I'm playing Warframe and the like, I imagine the enemies are our memories together. I want them erased. I want to pretend the past 9 years didn't exist. For now, it's the only way I can imagine to help me survive. (Link is a crappy 'poem' I wrote yesterday.) Besides cliches about time healing the wounds and all. xD So yeah, I don't want his name or very existence to be mentioned, I don't want to see his face, I don't want to think about the past at all. 

      Anyway, on an unrelated note, I'm going to travel a little later today, to see my cousin. She's like a little sister to me, and we haven't seen in months. <3 For the first time in years, now that I've a tablet, I'm planning to travel without my laptop. xD This thing's so heavy.... eheheh.

      Anyway. Thought I'd vent about this in here, hopefully for what is the last time. 

      Hope you're all doing awesome and that you all have a good week ahead. <3


      PS. It's not that our relationship was entirely horrible. We just... started drifting apart, and both of us made mistakes and hurt each other on levels that could not be forgiven. I'm not attempting to paint him as a monster or anything, I wasn't a saint either in the relationship. We both acted like children at times while demanding the other to be the adult and the responsible one; we both hurt each other with words, and (lack of) actions. I know my own share in our downfall, and I'll forever regret hurting him - but I can only learn from this, and strive to never inject such poison into my friendships or a possible new relationship.

    • Turku

      3 days ago

      zeitgeistzest - Estuans interius

      So as some of you may have noticed in the news, Finland is in the headlines for stabbings and a shooting in Turku. (The police shot the attacker in the leg before detaining the attacker.) For those who may have been concerned but don't know Finnish geography, Turku's about 300kms south-west from where I live. 

      Now, there's been a video spread around and a rumour with it that someone shouted "Allah Akhbaru" or whatever in that video. And therefore linking this all to the Barcelona attacks. 

      I've just watched the video and listened to it on full volume several times. To my native-Finnish-speaking ears, someone's shouting in Finnish "Varo", then "Varokaa", which both mean "Watch out, look out." And judging by Twitter, I am not the only lonely Finnish one hearing that.

      It's horrible what's happened in Turku, but I'm super angry at people spreading false information. So... please feel free to share the above bolded lines to let people know they shouldn't jump into stupid conclusions like that rumour. 

    • Warframe

      4 days ago

      zeitgeistzest - Estuans interius

      Just tried out this game on X1, superrrrr awesome but I'm also superrrrr confused oh my god. 

      Btw. Not really into Minecraft, but I got some Story Mode on X1 as it was a freebie. I'm branching further away from FF! xD

      *_* I should sleep. 5am. Oops

    • Don't Tell My Laptop About This

      4 days ago

      zeitgeistzest - Estuans interius

      I was originally going to attempt to write a poem about my recent issues with sleeping, but maybe some other time.

      So within a year or so, I'm going to need a new (gaming) laptop*. And since I'm more used to WinOS, I'm probably going to have to suck it up and embrace Win10 (with which I had bad experiences in the past and quickly downgraded back to Win8.1, which has been working pretty damn fine for me).

      So anyway. Win10 users. Post your pros and cons here. Pretty please. =w=;; Especially on the following subjects (and sorry I'm such a noob with all the terminology): 

      - Internet connection issues (I was completely cut off from internet with Win10)

      - how programs from Win7/8.1 are working on 10 (anyone with GIMP and/or Steam, would appreciate comments on the transition).

      Thank you in advance for any feedback! ~^w^~

      *And yes, laptop. I don't have the space for a damn PC. So shhhhhhhh.

      PS. Not looking for laptop recommendations. I can barely understand the specs in Finnish, and English tech talk is just Hebrew to me (for now; I'm going to learn more in Finnish, and then begin to attempt comprehending stuff in English as well). Anyway, I know someone who speaks Finnish and understands tech, so no worries there. =^_^=

      (....Oh bummer, my printer/scanner will probably not work at all ahahahahaha. And my mp3-player will probably refuse to connect. RIP.)

    • Starry

      1 week ago

      zeitgeistzest - Estuans interius

      Decided to give the First membership trial a test run... x) 

    • Success and Failure Both

      2 weeks ago

      zeitgeistzest - Estuans interius

      1) So many hot dudes at Assembly. Too bad I was too shy to approach any... And most were focused on their screens anyway..

      2) I was too shy to talk to people in general... But hey! I decided and went, even when my social anxiety was like nuuuu never. And I did talk to a few others than just staff. XD

      3) Having your phone as a wifi hotspot isn't apparently allowed. After failing to connect my laptop to their wlan, asked for help, was told my whatever card's outdated (coughohreally) and then I went "Well I can just use my phone" and they just "~_o No that's against the rules, didn't you read?" (I did, but managed to miss that part?)
      4) Sooo I'm headed to Tampere to visit family and hopefully my friend remains awake long enough to pick me up or else I'm stuck. XD
      5) Hot. Guys. Everywhere. I shoulda offered to become someone's mascot... XD

    • Assembly tomorrow, RTX ... next year?

      2 weeks ago

      zeitgeistzest - Estuans interius

      Hello again! ~^w^~

      So I've decided to go to the Assembly event tomorrow in Helsinki!

      I'm only going to be there for one day, which is a bit of a shame because there's a lot of cool stuff going around there the whole weekend - but maybe next year or so I'll actually plan a trip like this instead of just suddenly deciding to go. XD I mean, I'd naturally heard of Assembly before - it's quite big a thing in this country in certain circles - but... never been to it.

      Same goes with any types of conventions, really: AnimeCon and DesuCon, for example, are events I always PLAN to go to, but have never gotten to it. D: Shame on me!! (Also tickets tend to be expensive... like... going to Assembly is going to make me go broke already at the start of a month, but to heck with that! Who needs food anyway... and I should cut down with the soda and pastries anyway. =w=;;; *soft sobs at the thought of 'diet' change*) 

      I've also been thinking about going to RTX... The tickets themselves don't seem too costly (the 3-day ticket) BUT. Travelling within the borders of Finland is expensive enough, let alone going overseas. For example, I was planning to go see some of my American friends a couple of years back - easily 200 to 500 euros one way flight. Like, dear Lord. XD

      SO even though I'd like to go next year, it's possible that I can save up for the event tickets, but not the travelling costs, in time before the event. (Which next year apparently is in the beginning of August... right before my birthday, which would be super cool. ;w; Also that year is my driver's licence 10 years anniversary xD which is kind of an important milestone for me.) RTX seems like a lot of fun, by what I've seen around on people's posts and all. :) 

      Then again part of my Master's degree is to get working experience in the field (language / communications stuff) either at home or overseas. SO. I could try find a job from nearby wherever RTX is going to be held, and then get the tickets to the event as well and not worry about the travelling costs as much. :D ((I've so little work experience I'm planning to do both at home and overseas employment.))

      And since Master's is a 2-years-program (I'm going to TRY complete it a bit faster, since getting my Bachelor's took me like 5 years...), well, next year's RTX could, like, be possible? XD Haha. Ooor save up and go the year I turn 30. =w=;;; Yes... I am old...ish. 

      - Today is a rainy day, but that's fine by me. My apartment's been at nearly +30C / 86F almost the whole summer, even with AC on, so I welcome these cooler days with a wide open window! I'm going to be reading some more of George Yule's The Study of Language (one of the first books I got for my linguistics studies, it's a very concise, easy-to-comprehend guide to the field) to revise before semester, and perhaps record some more of my Spyro the Dragon gameplay (with a webcam, sadly, via Windows Movie Maker before I can upload to YouTube). Hopefully get some damn writing done, too. <_<;;

      Tomorrow I have to be up before 5am, so hopefully I'll heckin' get to sleep tonight before 3am! xD 

      ...wow I always seem to write long entries, with long paragraphs. D: !!

      In short: Assembly tomorrow, I need a job and a two for my Master's program, would like to go to RTX next year but we'll see, rainy days are cool when your apartment's trying to kill you with heat, linguistics is more excitingly interesting than I'd remembered.

      ... xD How's everyone else doing today? :) Hope you're having a good week so far!


    • Events and Early Bday Presents to Meeeee

      2 weeks ago

      zeitgeistzest - Estuans interius

      So earlier today I went to this event in downtown JKL, with small local companies showing their stuff - Yritystehdas TestLab. I'd slept poorly and my social anxieties were getting to me, so I didn't stay for long. 

      I was immediately picked up as a tester for a mobile game by Clusterloop, "Medical Force: Overdrive". :D It was super fun! ~^w^~ Basically you get to decorate your hospital / health care center to calm down patients while you get others the treatment they need by lifting them up and throwing them through a door to the correct doctor! Patients keep pouring in... Time's running out... Patients are getting angry... XD I played twice, got pretty high scores~~ 17k or so at one point. :D Some patients ended up thrown against or THROUGH a wall (a bug apparently) but that just added to the amusement!

      There were other companies with other games - Psyon Games, HiHappening, Endless Tea Studios - but I got too nervous to hang around longer though everyone seemed pretty nice. D:
      Still, keeping an eye on these now.. ;D

      Anyway, from them I got the idea to check on a gaming etc event called Assembly - it starts on Thursday and ends on Sunday. It's in Helsinki. I wanna go, even if most of the day will go into waste with travelling (Helsinki is like 300kms / 186 miles south from where I live) - a day ticket is only 15€, and bus tickets will be about 30€ in total. I've pretty much spent all my summer here in JKL, and this could be a fun opportunity to get to meet more gamers and game developers! (Because, well, I do want to get to work in the industry somehow - if anyone needs a language specialist / translator / communications trainee, here's one with fluent Finnish / English knowledge!) It's also possible to stay the night at the event place, but my social energy reserves might get too depleted for that. XD 

      Well, after leaving the TestLab thing, I went to the local GameStop to wait for the bus. And ended up getting myself some early birthday presents. <.<;;; Metro 2033 Redux / Metro Last Light Redux, a headset, and a rechargable battery for my Xbox One controller. Happy Birthday to Laura yaaaay! 

      I already tested the mic on a Mixer stream, worked OK save for some echoing - no idea how it sounded to anyone else, as I don't tend to get many watchers... and no idea how to interact with watchers, really. XD I'm too shy to say much, and feel like my English speaking skills just go POOF. :D Haha. But it's good 'conversation' practice, I guess! And the Metro game itself felt much smoother and all than the older version back on 360! Me likes. :3 Not that I can play it all that well ahahahah. Took me forever to get Artyom to jump over a gap... =w=;; Haha.

      Well then. Need to look up more Assembly info and possibly book the tickets and all, too~~ 

      How's everyone else doing? ^-^


    • I can't but just laugh

      3 weeks ago

      zeitgeistzest - Estuans interius

      Sooo I stayed awake until like... 1pm? If even that? It's 7:30pm now, I got up like an hour ago. XD So much for a productive day... Hope I can get to sleep before midnight, but I doubt it. xD Hahahaha. Although, in the morning, I got the laundry done, had a walk, washed the dishes and vacuumed the place... so not a total failure. 

      How's your Monday been, or is it just starting? 

    • Hellooo

      3 weeks ago

      zeitgeistzest - Estuans interius

      New member to this site. :D Hi hi...

      So like. I only found out about Red vs Blue some months ago, browsing through Netflix. The Finland version only had the seasons up until like 12, but luckily I found the Rooster Teeth channel on YouTube and got to catch up! XD Never played Halo in my life, heard of the game series and my ex used to play it a lot, but I got hooked to the machinima series from the very first dialogue, and then the characters, and the adventures they've gotten into. :D It's been reaaaally tough on the personal front this spring and summer, but RvB has made me laugh so much, as have the RT Animated Adventures. XD 

      Errrm. Not much else to say, really, it's soon 7am, stayed up all night translating silly songs, played a bit of FFXV and then just been chilling. Shameless self promo: I can be found on the following sites as well: DeviantArt (yes... how horrifying), Instagram, Mixer, Tumblr (maingaming), and YouTube. (I used to go around by the name Daghrgenzeen, by the way, on DA, IG, Tumblr and Twitter.)

      Anyway, that's all for now I guess. :) I think I'll just... try get some sleep now. Or wake up the neighbors by singing songs I really can't sing, bwahahahaha.



  • About Me

    DOB: Aug 7, 1990.

    Town: Jyväskylä (JKL for short).

    Nicknames: ZGZ, zzest; L, Lorie.

    Characteristics: Easily obsessive over things. A bit of an introvert, y'know, shy, freezing easily with new people around. But once I get comfy and start talking, you'll probably want to tell me to STFU at some point. My sense of humour is a little odd, and it's got an ON/OFF button, too. (And it's never, ever in the gutter~~ I swear.) I also go through phases of high activity for a few days only to then sleep through a week or even a month.

    Languages: Finnish (native), English (fluent), Swedish (lol), Russian (more lol), Japanese (even more lol), Spanish (a few words), French ("Je m'appelle" and that's all I can remember).

    Studies at: University of JKL.

    Degree: BA English language specialist (completed); MA English language specialist [NOT qualified as a teacher, by the way, that's a different program].

    Employment goals: Translation, communications, ... stuff like that. I've experience working as an office assistant, and also as an admin to an online group. I've also done some translating & interpreting.

    Other life goals: Finish writing stories and maybe get them published.

    Fav games: Final Fantasy (III to X-2, XII to XIII saga and XV), Dragon Age, Bioshock Infinite, Deus Ex - Human Revolution, Spyro the Dragon, Forza Horizon; used to play a lot of Crash Bandicoot 3 - Warped and Gran Turismo 2. I also have Titanfall, Watch Dogs and The Elder Scrolls V - Skyrim, haven't really played them that much yet.

    Likes: Mt Dew (way too much), cats and dogs both, arranging (book) shelves, using emojis (way too much), relaxing in the forest or by a lakeside, and driving a car (summer nights <3); guys in uniforms...

    Dislikes: Overly affectionate people, strangers sitting next to me on the bus, neighbors noticing my existence, and that the local store doesn't sell my favorite juice. D:< 

    Random fact: In the past 7 years, I have moved 8 times in total. In the past 3 years, I moved like once a year from one area of JKL to another.

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