DrunkTank Week #14 The drunks are back for another week of burning bridges. Burn, bridges! Burn! 
This week, Epic put out their “Gears of War 2 Gameplay Reveal”. [link]Burnie -- Cue the "it looks the same" crowd. Personally, I don't care. Gears was way ahead of it's time for graphics anyway. What worries me most is that they highlight Chainsaw Duels and Meat Shields as big new features. That type of gimmicky advancement is usually pretty unimpressive after you do it once. How about being able to use grenades without switching to them? Replays like in Halo? Hopefully we will get some of that. Geoff -- I have to be honest. I didn't even see it. I was lost in those deep azure pools that are Cliffy B's eyes. Rawr. Gus -- Less Cliffy B, more gameplay please. Thanks. Jason -- It looks exactly like the first Gears of War, with new maps. And I can't wait to play it. 
Guitar Hero 4 will feature a drum set.
[link]Geoff -- Silly Activision, always one step behind. My industry insiders tell me Rock Band two will have a Tuba and Suzaphone. Gus -- I already have a fucking video game drum kit, there is no way I'm buying another one. You hear that Activison? Let me use my Rock Band drums or I'm not buying your game. Burnie -- Why is the drum kit the big deal for these games? Isn't the singing part actually a lot more fun? And I hear what Gus is saying about already owning Rock Band drums, but those things are gigantic pieces of shit. I would pay to have better ones that didn't make that klack-klack noise every time I hit them. Matt -- This is how they are staying competitive? Bad move. If you're going for percussion, it's BONGOS all the way. Think of the endorsements they could get: Matthew McConnaughey, Donkey Kong, and anyone that's stoned or has dread locks. Jason -- Activision is just helping turn nerds back into nerds. Gaming culture was getting too cool for its own good. Now, when you bring Jessica over to your house for the first time, and she sees your two fake drum sets in the living room, you won't have to worry about whether or not you'll be spending the night alone. Better hope the GH4 drum kit comes with a big bottle of lotion. You'll be needing it. 
Xbox 360 Spring 08 Update feature list has been leaked. [link]Burnie -- I love almost every feature, but multi-user voice chat has to top the list. Overall, I am very impressed by this list. Although I wish there was a "Refuse Invites In Games I Am Not Playing" as well. Gus -- Jesus, that list is long. I don't have the attention span to read that. Do they have a feature to allow me to get rid of the "Failed to sign into Messenger" alert I get every time I sign in? If they did, that's my new favorite feature. Geoff -- About the only thing I see missing from that list is the blow job blade, and as long as we have Jason in the office, I can live without it. Jason -- I really like "16. Language improvements.", but only if refers to the vocabulary of the average Xbox Live user. 
Speed Racer made twenty million dollars at the box. [link]Burnie -- I always wonder how that conversation goes when someone informs you that you managed to lose about 100 million of their dollars. I imagine it's pretty tense. Gus -- I don't know anybody who was excited about this movie. The Wachowski's continue their streak of making movies that earn less than their predecessors. Way to go guys! Geoff -- I wish someone would pay me $20 million to take a colorful dump on camera. Jason -- Aside from the trailer making you think you might be sick to your stomach if you saw this movie, there's another reason it has done poorly at the box office. I've created an image to better explain it. Matt -- Yes, but how much did the theaters make on concessions? Anyone over-stimulated enough to watch that much hyper-stylized imagery has to be on a sugar high of at least 10 bags of Sour Patch Kids and a gallon of Mr. Pibb. If you bought a ticket to that movie, you should automatically get a free box of chocolate-covered crystal meth.  |
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